NEW BLOGSKIN!!!

though i sorta koped it from the lionheart's homepage...hehe ;D but nvm la. he would have publiscised it one day de ma. haha. i'm jus taking it in advance. haha. hee. anyway i like it. woohoo. so ya. wahaha...

been looking for a new blogskin for very looong le. but canot find one nice one. so ya lor. now resort to koping le. haha. oops.

blea i want to slp le. tml still got training. another one of libin's mo gui xun lian. ohnohno ><" running again i bet. den i'll faint or puke again. sobsob. kk i shall go slp le.

nites everyone:) take care and cya all!

fianl announcement..haha. i've been promoted:)

my class has 4 retainees and 3 under probation with 2 being asked to drop a subject. haha. that's the state of my class. my results aint wad i thought it was. which means wadeva i posted was not the final results. so ya. not good. but better. and i'm contented=)

but honestly, promoting isnt exactly wad i'm looking for now. haha. more like i want a break. a real long one. where i can leave my hse..like go some empty plot of meadow to spend my time there. experiencing songs and nature etc. don feel like living so close to humans now. haha. i want to leave this world. at least for now. but i don think i ever can.

tml's theory exam. cant wait for it to be over. then i'll be rather free. rather. not totally. mus do my OP and revision. when can i fulfil my dreams. to leave away from here? sigh.

there's somewhere within no one has reached yet still.
it's not that i'm preventing.
it's jus that.
no one can.

some stuff that you once said,
i jus feel so untrue
like it dint mean anything at all.
at all.
nonetheless,
i respect your decision:)

ahaha
i deleted it x)
i should stop dreaming

ok. the final update of my results.

overall.

PHYSICS H2: S
CHEMISTRY H2: U
MATH H2: S
ECONS H1: D
GP: C

hmm ya. in fact i duno why i'm so proud of my results. duno. jus feel that there isnt much i can hide. i'm jus too dumb for jc. duno lar. sian.

i'm short of a H2 pass to promote. currently, shermin is in the list of retainees in my class. 0.8 marks in phy to promote. 0.8 marks!! wad's your prob. guess wad he said.

"oh no i'm sorry. you got 44.2 and the pass grade is 45. the margin difference is too big, i cant help you. and besides don you think it's unfair to the rest?"

pls.
don you think others that are in my plight would ask for appeal as well? unfair. i duno. maybe. i don deserve to promote. haha. my fren was so bu shuang. he jus said, " mr ong, 0.3 marks for one year. bcos you don help her for that 0.3, she has to go through one year you know."

haha. guess nth persuades that old blockhead. argh. sorry. din mean to call him that. jus too pek >_< want me to retain not i don care. nth matters now.

now my qn is "should i appeal, or should i not." tho ms lin said i would most probably be promoted. cos there are a million cases before you. don worry. hmm i duno. not sure of wad lies ahead.

my life.
i leave to You.

i'm giving the wrong ideas
i'm hurting you
i'm causing your future to be ruined
i'm causing you to hurt
i'm causing misery
i'm murdering you
i'm murdering him
i'm nth
but a murderer

i cant love
i'm telling you now i cant
i don care you think i'm jus some psychologically unstable person or wad
i tell you i mean it
i cant

i don know wad's love
wad is it
i don deserve it anymore
i've hurt you
i've hurt him

i don know where my heart lies
i hold you close to me
but no one's going to enter
no one resides within it
at least not any dwellers of this cruel world
not you
not him
not anyone

"shermin died
she died in a car crash
the one i loved died
the one now is not real"

i agree.
i've died.
and i wont live anymore

if suicide brings me to heaven, Lord take me!
take me away before i hurt anyone anymore.
Lord, take me!

H1 ECONS: D

hmm i'm glad for my econs. guess my grades isnt any diff fr blocks. haha. nvm. still havent met the promotion criteria.

NO. OF RETAINEES FR MY CLASS : 10

haha. next year 6j will only have 16 ppl. sad. and i don think i'm in it? sigh. i duno. don wish or dare to think. haha. i'm feeling terrible. seeing everyone by me doing so well. my bestest fren in my class, A A B. haha. wad can i do. i don dare to think of wad lies before me. haha. great.

i feel quite lost suddenly. all of a sudden, everything is blank before me. i've lost wad meant everything to me for that moment. den i lost wad i've worked and struggled thru for a year. hmm. i duno wad lies before me. i really dont. everything's a blank. in that mist enveloping my pathway. lead my way, Lord. i have nth to cling on but to You.

i really duno where i'm going anymore.
or rather i duno wad i should do.
nth is well.
nth.
but everything is well there.
haha i'm glad.
//
you'll realise you don nid wad you think is your centre.
you'll find out its illusion of importance.
you'll realise
i'm jus a passing cloud.
you will.

从此以后我都不敢抬头看
彷佛我的天空
失去了颜色
从那一天起
我忘记了呼吸

PHYSICS H2: S

haha nth to say sia.
rather happy tho.
cos all along i thot i'll do better for chem than phy.
but haha
forget it
i still cant be promoted.
so far...
yet nth can be done

chemistry H2: U

i mean it when i said i cant make it.
tml phy.
i don see any diff from this.
haha.
how am i going to live.